Chemo Day #1: Over and Done

Hello to all! I hope this blog finds you well! I just wanted to give you all an update with all that is going on up here and some things God is teaching me. First of all, your prayers and support have been so overwhelming to me and my family. The body of Christ is so powerful and the prayers of the saints are so meaningful. Jesus is good. Secondly, as all this is new to me, it seems fresh and scary and overwhelming, and yet I know there are those who have been going through bouts with cancer and illness much longer and more severe than mine. You guys get a big pat on the back from me! I now can empathize a little more closely with what you are going through; stay the course, the Lord is still good. My thoughts especially go out to sweet little Ella Dreamer, whom many of you know. The song she sang at LRBC the other day has been a constant encouragement to me. God will never let go, through the calm and through the storm.

But questions still come. Big questions. Gigantic questions. Why does something like this happen? Why would something like this happen to someone so young? Surely a good God wouldn't do something like this. Doesn't seem very good. A God that would let bad things happen like this couldn't certainly be real, or at the very least not worth loving or obeying. But fortunately, God's metaphysical reality isn't dependent upon our finite scope of understanding. Really, That would be silly if it were true. So we're left with a response.

So how to respond? How to respond in any tragedy? Do you pretend the tragedy doesn't exist and act as if life is going on as normal, living in two different worlds? While working for a while, one day you might wake up and both worlds have collapsed around you and you don't know who you are or where to turn to. So, do you get angry at God or at someone else? This will at least help get your feelings out, but in the end you become bitter and hurt deeper than you realize and nothing is really fixed. So as I sit here in my hospy bed I wonder the same question. I know God is good, I know he loves me, I know he is powerful and in control, and he wants his name to be made great in all things (after all that's why we're here), so how do I respond? Well, I think the word is honesty. I think we respond honestly. We recognize our pain, and express it. We have questions and might not have answers (and btw, perhaps we wouldn't understand or like the answers if we knew them anyway), but we trust God and look to him for help, for hope, and to learn from him and his word in the midst of the pain, in order that his name would be great, and people would see that he is indeed worth worshipping and obeying. And friends, so far, he has been far more worth it than imaginable. I lift my eyes up, and my help comes from the Lord.

So lift your eyes up too. Psalm 34 is a good place to start and it's where I found great hope. Paraphrase: I will extol the lord at all times, his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the lord, let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the lord with me, let us exalt his name together! I sought the Lord, Jesus is his name, and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant their faces are NEVER covered with shame. This poor and sick man called and the Lord saved him out of all his troubles. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him...those who seek the lord lack no good thing...the lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles but the Lord delivers him from them ALL. That's good stuff. Reallly good.

Thank you all for your prayers. Some specific prayers requests are for the chemo Im being buttered up with. Im on them continously for the next three full days. Pray for no side affects. Like none lol. That would be great. Also they found a blood clot in each of my arms that they are watching closely. They confused my giant biceps for swelling. Common mistake. Pray there would be no complications. Pray that the booger of a tumor will be miraculously shrunk. And pray for my family, esp. My parents. Thanks so much and I love you all! Stay tuned for more fun stuff!