My Eyes are Opened

It’s about that time again. Time to go back to into the hospital for round 3! This break has gone by of course entirely too fast, but it has been a great break. How I have felt this break cannot even compare to the first one. I have had much more energy, I’ve gone back to working a little, I’ve been out and about, and am feeling just generally much better. Praise the Lord! So as I am standing on the precipice of round 3 beginning on Monday, I say, “Bring it on!” My doctor is increasing my dose of chemotherapy. He saw me last time staring at the chemo bags and laughing in their face. Needless to say they cowered in fear and submission, so he thinks it’s best to try and up the dose. Psh. Child’s play.

Anyways, something has been on my mind throughout this entire ordeal and I think it’s appropriate at this time to bring it up. It’s actually an event that has been on my heart for nearly a year now, something that is one of those life-changing, breath-taking, make-you-rethink-your-life type events. It came in the form of a sick little girl I met in Uganda this past summer.

Many of you may or may not know that I spent two weeks in southwest Uganda working with Christians there doing ministry at a Bible College and at a rural medical clinic. At the medical clinic, hundreds of people from the surrounding villages came (some more than 3 miles) to sit and wait in the hot sun to be helped by our small medical team. For two weeks they were helped by our group (I began working with them the second week), and praise the Lord we were able to help establish this clinic for the people of that community.

Before you think that I might fit in at a medical clinic, I assure you that as a Shotts, I am a misnomer, and all I did was fumble along in the pharmacy trying to help fill prescriptions for the Ugandans that didn’t have medical care. Many of you know that I do not show emotions very well, and Uganda was no different. I was trying very hard to not get moved emotionally by the great need for Jesus and for medicine there where we were working. I didn’t want to show anyone that I was affected by the spiritual and physical pain these people were experiencing. I was doing a good job of staying objective with the task at hand. And it helped that I was in the pharmacy dealing with finding the correct medicine, counting pills, and filling prescriptions. Objective. I didn’t have to see the patients, deal with their hurts and pains, try to communicate with them and encourage them. Other jobs were taking the patients temperatures, blood pressures, finding out their symptoms, etc. But in the pharmacy, I could just stay behind the scenes and maybe I could get out of there without being moved by the needs that I saw. Let me just say this, God works in mysterious ways.

There were too many of us in the pharmacy. Since I was the newest member of the team, I took a break and sat in the ‘waiting room’. A few minutes later the leader of our team rushed in the door carrying a little girl. She was incredibly sick with malaria, barely awake and able to move on her own. He sat her down next to me and ran to get the doctor. Unbelievable. All of a sudden, after trying to keep my distance from being too involved with what was going on, I was thrust into a situation where I couldn’t do anything but be involved, and the emotions I was trying to hard to keep in check all came bubbling forth. Those next few minutes with her sitting by me are so difficult to put into words. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to help? I couldn’t heal her. I couldn’t speak her language. I didn’t even know her name. I thought of when I was a child. My mother took me to the doctor when I was sick. This girl was all alone. At my doctor’s office we had toys and games in the waiting room, with cool paintings on the wall and stickers and candy when we were done. This clinic was concrete and had no toys. My mom was the one who communicated with the doctor. The doctor came and told her how and when to take the medicine. If I was that sick, I would’ve been able to go to the hospital and get IV fluids and the best, state of the art medical care. She had to get her medicine in a little Ziploc bag with a bottle of water. Here I was, sitting next to a very sick little girl, not knowing if she was going to live or die, feeling worlds apart, and yet the Lord laid it on my heart to do something. But what could I do?

I went to my backpack and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. For the next few minutes I drew pictures with her. I told her my name and tried to my best to communicate with her, to make her laugh, to make her feel not so afraid, to make her think of something else besides her sickness. In a few minutes, she was pretty exhausted and so we stopped drawing. She laid her head on my shoulder and slept. Those next moments seemed like an eternity to me. All of those “Why, God?” questions welled up in my mind. Why this little girl? Why all this sickness and pain? Why can’t you just heal her? I was heartbroken that here was this very sick little girl sitting next to me, and I could not even communicate in words the love of Jesus for her. I wanted very badly to tell her that things were going to be okay. That Jesus loved her and cared about her, that he defeated sin and death and Satan so that one day there would be no more sickness and pain and suffering, so that one day she wouldn’t have to be alone and scared. But instead I had to sit there silent, while she slept, praying that she would be ok. God works in such mysterious and sometimes very frustrating ways.

And just like that, our team leader came with the doctor, woke her up and explained the medicine to her. Still too weak to walk, our team leader picked her up and carried her back to the school she was at, about a five minute’s walk away. How badly I wanted to be the one to save her. To carry her back to the school and make sure she was okay. To help her get better. To make sure she understood how to take the medicine. To make her feel comfortable and unafraid. All these things I wanted to do but knew that I couldn’t. It was out of my control. I watched that little girl go, not knowing whether I would ever see her again or ever find out how she was doing. God works in such mysterious ways.

I think of that little girl every time I go to the hospital now. I think of how blessed I was and am to be in a place that provides incredible medical care. I never take for granted the blessings that God has given me when it comes to the cancer I have now. He has kept me safe and given me doctors and a hospital that can provide the care I need to get better. He’s given me a family, friends, and a church family that support me in so many ways that I am overwhelmed. I can’t begin to describe my gratitude for all of this. But yet I’m constantly reminded of that little girl in Uganda who didn’t have what I have. I’m reminded that Jesus calls us to go and make disciples of all nations. I’m reminded that he says to love our neighbor as ourselves. He calls us to share his love with those who don’t have it. To meet the needs of those who we come into contact with.

Let’s be passionate about showing Christ’s love to the people of God (for this is how the world will know we are his disciples) and then to those who don’t know his love and to those who need his healing, spiritual and physical. Many of those sick people in Uganda begged for Bibles in their own language. Many wanted to know why God would do this to them. Many of them aren’t going to be able to hear about Jesus because they are dying from illnesses like malaria and complications from AIDS.

I’m reminded of all this as I prepare to go back into the hospital on Monday. My eyes are opened. I pray that yours would be as well. Those of us who are in Christ, let’s not forget those in the body of Christ that are hurting, physically, spiritually, emotionally. Maybe what they need is just a shoulder to put their head on. And let’s not forget those who don’t know Christ. Perhaps they need to see his love as well. That’s my prayer and goal this round, to show the love of Christ to those in good ole Roberts building, floor 9.

There is an end to the story of that little girl. The next day there was a team of us going to the elementary school to give shoes and glasses to the children there. As I was helping one of the girls with her glasses, this other girl comes up to me, tugs on my shirt and waves with this big smile on her face. At first I didn’t recognize her, but then I knew who it was. It was the little girl from the clinic! Words can’t describe how overjoyed I was to see her. She looked so much better, and I knew that God had worked a miracle. God is good. He was in control all along. He is a healer. I praise and thank him that even in my weakness and selfishness, he used me and changed my heart to become more like him. Let’s get in on his mission and share his love to those who need it. 

New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year's everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this has had a fantastic Christmas and a fantastic New Year's holiday. Mine were very wonderful and it was a blessing to get to spend Christmas at home with the family and well, less of a blessing but still one anyways, to get to view some fireworks out of my hospital window on New Year's Eve (but then again, its New Year's Eve, not the most invigorating holiday anyway :-) ). Anyways, I apologize for not doing any blogging whilst connected to my various poisons in the hospital. I'm trying to write as anything exciting or momentous happens, but contrary to popular belief, chemotherapy is remarkably uneventful!

This round went tons better than being in the hospital the first time. There were not nearly as many unknowns and freaky diagnoses, much less pain and suffering due to the port, and it was just generally a more pleasant time. I had more strength throughout the stay, and I was learning my way around the whole cancer thing a lot better. We are starting to get to know the nursing staff a little better. They are starting to see how incredibly attractive I am without hair, and how charming I can be when the prednisone side affect of euphoria sets in. But seriously, all in all, it was a good time in the hospital. A week in the hospital yes, but under the circumstances I can't complain. God is good. At home, I have much more strength and energy. I'm feeling a lot better, but I am still trying to get used to having the port inside of me. It freaks me out just a bit having this weird deal in my chest lol. But that will get better over time. It's worth it.

I figured I would make a New Year's resolution this year, since it is the time for new beginnings and what not and most people like to make a new year's resolution. Many of you might have a guess as to what my NYR could be. Is it to beat cancer? Is it to have a clean bill of health? Is it to stay positive while during treatment? Is it to finish school on time? to have good grades? To still be able to work despite being sick? Obviously, these would all be viable options based on the situation I find myself in, and really they would be resolutions that would be fair for someone to make. Unfortunately, none of these are my resolutions. It might be stunning, but I have not resolved for the New Year to set out to beat cancer. I know, be shocked. You might be saying, Jonathan, that is idiotic. And well, yes, you may be right, I am often times idiotic, but in this case I don't think I am. You see, it's not that I don't want to beat cancer. It's not that I don't want to have this tumor inside of me destroyed and removed. That would be very awesome if that happened this year. But a clean bill of health does not bring about ultimate satisfaction. Some people think it does, but I beg to differ. And if I'm gonna make a resolution, I'm gonna make one that brings about ultimate satisfaction.

This goes for everyone I think. Why make a resolution that just brings you momentary pleasure, like resolving to enjoy life more this year. Or a selfish resolution to, be more assertive and state your opinions rather than go with the crowd. Or a resolution to find a better job or make more money? Those things only bring momentary pleasure and often times more heartache. Or maybe its to exercise more and have a better general well-being. Ask yourself the question. Do these things really bring about ultimate satisfaction? Or do they just bring temporary happiness? And then the question. Why would I settle for just temporary happiness when I could be truly satisfied, regardless of my situation, whether I have a great job and makes lots of money, or have lost my job and don't know how to put food on my table? I would argue that if we're going to make resolutions, let's make resolutions that truly mean something, not like resolving to be able to reach down and touch my toes this year.

And so this is where I'm at. I'm not going to resolve to beat cancer. I'm going to make a resolution that is far more satisfying, and one that can be achieved regardless of whether I beat cancer or not. It's one that can sustain us through the most difficult times and the best of times. It's one that's not dependent upon momentary pleasures, but one that's dependent upon something that's eternal. A good friend of mine, Uncle Paulie (and not the one from Rocky), said that he had learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (by the way, he was in prison at the time he wrote that). He ended up being executed. Imagine if he had resolved not to get executed that year. He would've been disappointed.

But guess what, I know the secret too. And it's my resolution this year. It's simple. In fact, it's my resolution every year. I resolve to love Jesus with everything that I am, and to love my neighbor as myself. Only complete devotion to Christ can bring about ultimate satisfaction. And complete devotion to Christ leads to loving my neighbor as myself. It's a massive learning process and I continually have to be open to see what God teaches me both to love him more and to love others more, especially within my current situation. But its a resolution that transcends all situations and lasts for an entire lifetime. And that's what I'm after when I make a resolution. Seems a bit more reasonable than something that won't last. So will you join me? Forget the resolutions like being a better cook, or to have a cleaner house, or to watch more football, and commit yourself wholeheartedly to Christ. The other things will fall into place. Being a better parent, a better employee, a humbler person, a better student, a more well rounded individual, all of those good things that are God's will work themselves out when we devote ourselves to him. But the other things, those that give us temporary pleasures, they aren't worth seeking out for satisfaction. As for my cancer, if I beat, it praise God. But if for some reason I don't, then praise God regardless. My resolution won't be ruined. Jesus is far better. Uncle Paulie says that everything else is like dung compared to the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. I'm with him. Are you?

Leaving Rivendell

Well, the day has finally come. Tomorrow morning I go back to the hospital for the next round of chemo treatment. It's the same regiment and I should be in for abut a week. Since I was in the hospital last, I decided I would begin to read through the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings again. I haven't read them in a while, and I figured that no books were more fitting to relate to than books about characters that were thrust into an adventure they were not ready for. In both books the adventurers make a stop at the lovely Rivendell. Rivendell is a place of rest and comfort after the first leg of their journey. They'd already had experiences they never expected to have in an entire lifetime; adventures that would make for great stories when all was said and done. but for the time being they rested and enjoyed not adventuring while being at Rivendell. Unfortunately, their time at Rivendell had to end. For as far as they felt they had gone, the adventurers still had a long way to go, and the brief reprieve had to come to an end. They had to pack their bags and prepare for the journey ahead. They weren't finished just yet.

This is about how I feel. The first leg is over, and I've had my stay at Rivendell. I've rested and recovered from wounds from the journey. I've gotten to spend wonderful times with friends and family. I've regained my strength and my energy. But its time to begin the next leg of the journey. And it's come much too soon. To be honest, I'm not ready to go back to the hospital. There are too many unknowns; too many things to go through. It's a long journey and it's way more comfortable where I am now. But I guess that's the way adventures work. You never really are ready for them, and they never really come at your convenience. otherwise, they wouldn't be adventures I guess. They come at their time and you just get thrown in. It's ready, set, go and the journey begins. So, whether I like it or not, I have to begin again. The adventure waits for no one. Those that stay behind miss out. Sure they miss out on all the fear, unknowns, the fatigue, the loss of comfort. But they also miss out on the fact that they are on an adventure. You see new places, meet new people, learn things about yourself and the world that you never would've known otherwise. Most of the time adventurers at the end get the girl (i dont wanna miss out on that ;)), and maybe, just maybe, there will be a treasure at the end, or at least something involving saving the world. That's what adventures are like. I think I'll take my chances and jump in with both feet.

But there's another thing about Rivendell. As good as it is being in a place like that, it's just not home. It's not normal. Rivendell is a constant reminder that you are stuck in the middle. If you stayed there forever, as good as it may be, it's not the same as being home and done with the journey. You would be in between for the rest of your life. You would be reminded of what you left behind and what you didn't accomplish before you. Staying in Rivendell would turn out to be maddening. The time there has to come to an end. You either go home and miss out, or you choose to continue on and finish the adventure. But you can't stay in Rivendell. And so here's where I am. I must continue on. I don't really have a choice. The path has been set before me. I'm leaving Rivendell. Whether I'm ready or not the time has come. I have a journey to complete and though I probably won't end up saving the world or stumbling on a grand treasure, I know this is going to be for my good, and when the adventure is over, I will come back home, this time for good; or at least until Gandalf shows up at my door ready with another adventure. :)

Those jumping monkeys...

Greetings to you who read the blog! I hope this finds you well and in the Christmas spirit as it is nearing Christmas Eve (not the stressed out, spent the day in traffic shopping spirit, but the joyful and thankful for Jesus, family, and friends spirit- I've experienced both today so just wanted to clarify lol). The past two days have been busy with doctors appointments and plenty of wonderful x-rays, sonograms (yes sonograms, and no they don't think I'm pregnant), and CT scans being done on me. Let's just says its getting far more fun to fill out medical history forms now; I'm becoming loaded with good info and history!

A few big items of news. Went to the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed... (just kidding. If you know that reference, I don't know whether to congratulate you or disown you as a friend. In fact, I have no idea where I learned that song and what the significance is of it. Oh well...) but seriously, A chest x-ray did not show the tumor as it once had, which means the first round of chemo did a great job and greatly diminished the size of the mass in my chest! Praise the Lord! Next, since I'm feeling well and since my resting heartrate is still fairly high, they are going to readmit me for chemo round 2 on Monday the 26th. Yikes! Much earlier than I expected. So that's going to be fun. Have Christmas and then jump back in! No time like the present. That's what I always say (I don't really always say that).

A few prayer requests:
1. Please Pray that my blood clots will be gone and that the tumor will be shrunk enough so that they can put a port in, as opposed to the femoral artery catheter. This will be permanent and easier for treatment as well as allow for more mobility during the chemo treatments. Also, they use anesthesia for that procedure. I like being asleep. :)
2. Please pray for me and my family as we mentally, physically, etc. prepare for another round of chemo and hospital. It's tough gearing myself up to go back to the hospital.

And lastly, here is what God is teaching me at the moment. I came across one of my favorite Old Testament passages in my Bible reading the other day (yes jr. Highers I said favorite :)). It is the story of the Assyrians attacking Jerusalem, King Hezekiah, and mainly the LORD. You can find this in 2 kings 18-19 or Isaiah 37-38. The story in a nutshell: King Sennacherib or Snatch a Rib (for short- he's a sucker for barbecue) of Assyria is about to come and lay siege to Jerusalem. He sends some people to Jayroo (nicknames are more fun) and they basically make fun of King Hezzie and blaspheme the LORD in front of all the people. They say something like, "what god has stood in the way of Assyria? Do you really thnk yours is any better? We're going to crush hm like all the others. Oh yeah, and hezekiah's a baby for believing in him too. Why don't y'all jut give up?"

Well you just don't say those kind of this to the One, true, living God who is Lord over all. Isaiah shows up to tell Hezekiah that God has got this and that he's going to whoop up on the Assyrians. And whoop up he does. That night, after giving a message back to the Assyrians straight from the Lord, he kills 185,000 of them. The rest wake up that morning having no idea what is going on. Ole Snatch a Rib decides its best to scurry on back home. Well, he ends up getting killed by his sons (you kind of lose credibility as a king when you can't explain how you lost that many men), and Jerusalem and Judah are safe for the time being. The Lord delivered them in a mighty way. And then it hit me. What is a little lymphoma compared to the predicament the Israelites were in? A whole nation was looking at death and destruction in a horribly miserable way; siege, not to mention how many of them were questioning where God was in all of that. And Hezekiah, he trusted the Lord despite the ridicule he received from the Assyrians and from his people. He was alone, leading his people by trusting in the Lord. And guess what, God delivered them; all of them. So what's a little cancer compared to that! If God delivered them in such a mighty fashion, surely he can deliver me in just as mighty of a fashion. I can put my trust and hope in a God who can do something as great as that. Knowing that our God has that kind of power gives me great confidence in the face of seemingly enormous trials. In fact, it kind of makes those trials seem like little mole hills in comparison to what he's already done. That's good news to me! My God delivers his people from their enemies. He delivers them from the devil. He delivers them from sin. He delivers them from sickness. And he delivers them from death. Booyah.

As an aside, if you are wondering if that story has any extra biblical evidence to corroborate such an outlandish tale, let me encourage you to take a look at this video. It exhibits an artifact from the British museum explaining from the Assyrian perspective a little bit of what happened. Watch it if you dare (and by the way, I was there when it was filmed and even make an appearance on the film to prove it!). enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsKEoX1_J80&sns=em

Beauty will rise...

Well, it has been quite an interesting two days in ole cancer land. And to be frank (although if i were to chose to be someone, I dont think I would choose to be frank. Maybe joe, or Carl. No offense to any franks that are reading this :) ), whats going on with me might not really be interesting to someone who's gone through all this chemo stuff and what not. This might all just be old news. And fair enough and kudos to you for getting through it like a champ. But nonetheless it's all new to us, so each new thing is interesting and unknown and exciting.

So, yesterday was the second of my blood tests to check white cell counts and fun stuff like that. The first one went very well. They had given me a shot after chemo that boosted my white cell count, so it was like 3 times what they normally should've been. Sweet. Well second test, not so good. My white cell count was extremely low. So they prescribe some antibiotics (funny enough, the same that we're not sure whether I'm allergic to them, but that's another story), and send me home. Right about that time I start feeling really crummy and get a fever. Not really something you want to get while low in white cell counts. So we're not really sure what's going on. My temperature eventually climbs to the point where they say to call in. So we call the doctor and pack up thinking we might have to go back into the hospital. Well, he says that the fever is all good, just keep eating and drinking and the antibiotics will kick in. We're just to call if it gets worse. So we sit and wait. Chill, eat and drink and pray the fever goes down. And sure enough, this morning it finally got back to normal. Needless to say we were kind of unsure what was going to go down last night. But God was good and the antibiotics did their thing!

God continues to be faithful and good to us in this difficult and somewhat scary time. That being said, I wanted to share something that has been of great encouragement to me. Not only during this time but also during many other really trying times in my life (although I have to admit there haven't been too many). But it was a particular point a few years ago where this really impacted me. Many of you know who Steven Curtis Chapman is and many of you know of his story especially the tragedy him and his family went through a few years ago. Im not going to be specific out of respect for him and his family, but how he responded was very impact full for me. Being a songwriter, he began composing songs out of this tragedy, and a album came out later that kind of chronicled his struggle with the Lord and how he trusted God through one of the most difficult times imaginable. The album, my personal favorite of his, is entitled Beauty Will Rise. It is an honest look at working through trials and tragedy, at the same time you are trusting God, knowing who he is. I highly recommend this album to anyone and everyone, especially if you are in the midst of going through some difficult times.

I went ahead and posted a link to the first track on the album for you all to enjoy. I hope this album is as much of an encouragement to you as it was to me. And in the words of S.C.C., "out of these ashes, beauty will rise."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9JTwJ_1lzE&sns=em

The mean time...

Hello to all! So just a quick update: went to the hospital today for blood work and the results were good, which basically means I'm a healthy guy(considering the fact I was on chemotherapy). So that's good! We continue to look for good results as I'm checked often for this. If my white cell counts or platelets are low I just do the vampire thing and get some blood (although drinking it will be out of the question!), so we'll cross that bridge if the Lord considers us worthy of going there (by the way I'm gaining more and more respect for those who have gone down similar roads as I am going through now. You guys are troopers and I greatly admire your courage asyou've battled medical illnesses and the like. Your example spurs me on).

In the mean time (which is a great phrase to describe how I'm feeling now), I am learning what it means to trust in the Lord. Now immediately some may say, well wait, he's just now learning to trust the Lord? What was he doing this whole time he was sick in the hospital? Those certainly would,ve been good times to learn about trusting in the Lord. And that is very true. In fact I did learn quite a bit about trusting in the Lord and relying on Him in the darkest of times. It was by his grace that he showed me how much I need Him for every breath.

That being said, the initial shock with its added adrenaline and energy boost has worn off. I'm home now. And as great as being home is, I'm constantly reminded, I'm still sick. I'm in for the long haul, of doctors appointments, tests, labs, side effects, and the ever loathsome self administered blood thinner shots (who knew my last name would have such a special meaning to me now!). It's this strange dichotomy of being home and not home. Being better and not. It's the mean time. And in the mean time, I'm learning that it takes just as much dependence upon the Lord as it did every moment I was clinging to Him through the unknowns at the hospital.

He's teaching and reminding me the truth that it is only by His grace that I have breath in the morning. It's only by his grace that my heart beats when it does. And it's only by his grace that I can think and do anything at all. And because of this I need to trust him in any and every situation; normal or abnormal. He continues to be just the same God as he was before, during, and after anything we go through. He hasn't changed. Our perspective does. And mine is changing. See, I knew intellectually that he maintained everything and was in control of everything, now I actually have to depend on its truth. I have to keep the mindset that im constantly surrendering to him for strength and for my life reslly. If I forget to trust, things go badly. We all know they do and we all know what it's like when we've forgotten to trust completlely on the Lord.

If you think about it. We're all in the mean time. Jesus has come and done his most awesome work. Those who believe in him are saved from sin and death. But at the same time, we are still waiting. We are waiting for him to come back. We are waiting to finally be completely rd of this fleshly body with all its sin and pain. Even This Christmas we celebrate his first coming. But we are so anxiously awaiting his second coming. It's the mean time. And the mean time is really hard. Life isn't perfect. There is still pain. There is still hurt. But there is joy. There is hope. There is Christmas and the celebration of what Jesus has already done. And there is waiting. So in the mean time, join me in total, all out, utter dependence on the Lord. For every breath. For every heart beat. For the normal and the not so normal. But trust Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. In all your ways.

There is a body... And Christ is the head.

Hello to all. I just wanted first to give a brief update on how things are going here, and then jot some thoughts down. It's been a full first full day back at home, with going back to the hospital for a shot and other orientation events and then trying to get fully settled back home. I'm feeling ok. Thankfully still haven't suffered any extreme chemo side affects as of yet. Praying that that continues. Getting my strength back is the hardest thing right now, but I'm thinking that's gonna come with time.

It's been fun today to thoroughly go through all the cards and gifts from people, some of the highlights have been the Lord of the Rings pez, courtesy of the Evans, the free loader fork, courtesy of Julia Stone, and the pet food from Matt Griffin for my PET scan earlier this week! It was good Matt. But there has just been so many encouraging cards and gifts and videos and all sorts of stuff, that my heart has just been overwhelmed with love for you all. You know, it is God who has been faithful throughout this whole process and he will continue to be so in the darkest times, that's what he does. So I'm going to be relying on him and his word first and foremost throughout this whole cancer ordeal. But at the same time, I have never been more overwhelmed with the power and love of the body of Christ than this past week and a half. It makes me so joyful to be a Christian! And it's not just the cards and gifts, it's the hospital visits, it's the food, it's the encouraging words, and it's especially your prayers. I've discovered that I've literally been prayed for around the world by Christians I don't even know! How awesome is that?!

The church has just been incredible and I have seen Christ in you all. After all, this is the way the world will know we are Jesus' disciples, by our love for one another. So keep it up! Not just to me, but to everyone in the church who needs support, and really go for it with how yu show yur love. Be daring. and in turn we will all be blessed, Christ will be praised, and the world will know Him! Good deal if you ask me. And for those of you on the outside of the family of God, those who may be reading this who do not yet know Jesus, what are you waiting on? Why are you waiting out in the cold when we are having our Christmas party inside. What's so good outside the family of God that you so desperately want to hold onto? Come on in. There's room by the fire, where Jesus is King, and we've got a place for you.

I'm thankful for the church. I'm thankful for my closest friends and my family. I'm thankful that with you guys and with the help from Jesus, I will get through this difficult time. Cuz y'all are awesome, and I'm thankful to be a small part in theis grand body of Christ.