New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year's everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this has had a fantastic Christmas and a fantastic New Year's holiday. Mine were very wonderful and it was a blessing to get to spend Christmas at home with the family and well, less of a blessing but still one anyways, to get to view some fireworks out of my hospital window on New Year's Eve (but then again, its New Year's Eve, not the most invigorating holiday anyway :-) ). Anyways, I apologize for not doing any blogging whilst connected to my various poisons in the hospital. I'm trying to write as anything exciting or momentous happens, but contrary to popular belief, chemotherapy is remarkably uneventful!

This round went tons better than being in the hospital the first time. There were not nearly as many unknowns and freaky diagnoses, much less pain and suffering due to the port, and it was just generally a more pleasant time. I had more strength throughout the stay, and I was learning my way around the whole cancer thing a lot better. We are starting to get to know the nursing staff a little better. They are starting to see how incredibly attractive I am without hair, and how charming I can be when the prednisone side affect of euphoria sets in. But seriously, all in all, it was a good time in the hospital. A week in the hospital yes, but under the circumstances I can't complain. God is good. At home, I have much more strength and energy. I'm feeling a lot better, but I am still trying to get used to having the port inside of me. It freaks me out just a bit having this weird deal in my chest lol. But that will get better over time. It's worth it.

I figured I would make a New Year's resolution this year, since it is the time for new beginnings and what not and most people like to make a new year's resolution. Many of you might have a guess as to what my NYR could be. Is it to beat cancer? Is it to have a clean bill of health? Is it to stay positive while during treatment? Is it to finish school on time? to have good grades? To still be able to work despite being sick? Obviously, these would all be viable options based on the situation I find myself in, and really they would be resolutions that would be fair for someone to make. Unfortunately, none of these are my resolutions. It might be stunning, but I have not resolved for the New Year to set out to beat cancer. I know, be shocked. You might be saying, Jonathan, that is idiotic. And well, yes, you may be right, I am often times idiotic, but in this case I don't think I am. You see, it's not that I don't want to beat cancer. It's not that I don't want to have this tumor inside of me destroyed and removed. That would be very awesome if that happened this year. But a clean bill of health does not bring about ultimate satisfaction. Some people think it does, but I beg to differ. And if I'm gonna make a resolution, I'm gonna make one that brings about ultimate satisfaction.

This goes for everyone I think. Why make a resolution that just brings you momentary pleasure, like resolving to enjoy life more this year. Or a selfish resolution to, be more assertive and state your opinions rather than go with the crowd. Or a resolution to find a better job or make more money? Those things only bring momentary pleasure and often times more heartache. Or maybe its to exercise more and have a better general well-being. Ask yourself the question. Do these things really bring about ultimate satisfaction? Or do they just bring temporary happiness? And then the question. Why would I settle for just temporary happiness when I could be truly satisfied, regardless of my situation, whether I have a great job and makes lots of money, or have lost my job and don't know how to put food on my table? I would argue that if we're going to make resolutions, let's make resolutions that truly mean something, not like resolving to be able to reach down and touch my toes this year.

And so this is where I'm at. I'm not going to resolve to beat cancer. I'm going to make a resolution that is far more satisfying, and one that can be achieved regardless of whether I beat cancer or not. It's one that can sustain us through the most difficult times and the best of times. It's one that's not dependent upon momentary pleasures, but one that's dependent upon something that's eternal. A good friend of mine, Uncle Paulie (and not the one from Rocky), said that he had learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want (by the way, he was in prison at the time he wrote that). He ended up being executed. Imagine if he had resolved not to get executed that year. He would've been disappointed.

But guess what, I know the secret too. And it's my resolution this year. It's simple. In fact, it's my resolution every year. I resolve to love Jesus with everything that I am, and to love my neighbor as myself. Only complete devotion to Christ can bring about ultimate satisfaction. And complete devotion to Christ leads to loving my neighbor as myself. It's a massive learning process and I continually have to be open to see what God teaches me both to love him more and to love others more, especially within my current situation. But its a resolution that transcends all situations and lasts for an entire lifetime. And that's what I'm after when I make a resolution. Seems a bit more reasonable than something that won't last. So will you join me? Forget the resolutions like being a better cook, or to have a cleaner house, or to watch more football, and commit yourself wholeheartedly to Christ. The other things will fall into place. Being a better parent, a better employee, a humbler person, a better student, a more well rounded individual, all of those good things that are God's will work themselves out when we devote ourselves to him. But the other things, those that give us temporary pleasures, they aren't worth seeking out for satisfaction. As for my cancer, if I beat, it praise God. But if for some reason I don't, then praise God regardless. My resolution won't be ruined. Jesus is far better. Uncle Paulie says that everything else is like dung compared to the greatness of knowing Christ Jesus as Lord. I'm with him. Are you?